Aubrey's Birth Story - Part Two

The day after Aubrey was born, a Monday, I was able to go home from the hospital. The next morning I was exhausted from multiple nights of little sleep, so I decided to take a nap. Chance and his mom were watching Hudson in the other room, while I took Aubrey into our bedroom to feed her and lay her down while I slept. The last thing I remember was feeding Aubrey in our bedroom. My memory begins again with a swarm of paramedics hovering around me. I had had a seizure.

Apparently, Chance and his mom heard a loud thud from the other room. They assumed a picture had fallen, but when Chance went into the bedroom he saw me on the floor seizing. Aubrey was on the floor too, crying.

The paramedics took my blood pressure and checked my blood sugar while Chance explained to them what he saw take place. I couldn't believe that I had just had a seizure. My labor and delivery went so well, and I felt that I was recovering rather quickly. Everything had seemed so normal, until now. After the paramedics left I called my mom (a nurse) who insisted that I call my OBGYN doctor. The OBGYN office told me to go straight back to labor and delivery, where I would be readmitted as a patient. 

It was all quite overwhelming. I don't really remember walking down to the car with Aubrey in tow. I do remember how distraught Chance was, which was difficult to see. 

After checking in at Baylor and being brought to hospital room, I began to break down. Why did this happen? Was I okay? Was Aubrey okay?! Seeing the fear that Chance was experiencing made me realize the gravity of the situation. 

Later, Chance took Aubrey to the pediatrician where she was assessed. We feared that I had dropped her when I began to seize, maybe hitting her head upon landing. She was in good condition, though, and the doctor saw no reason for concern. We were thankful. 

The doctors ordered all sorts of tests to be done: a CT scan, a MRI, an EKG, an EEG, and lots of bloodwork. It was a very draining day, both physically and emotionally. The nurse who cared for me that day was a Christian, and at one point when I sank into tears before my MRI she asked to pray for me; it was just what I needed. 

Later, I saw a neurologist and my OBGYN. Both doctors explained that a seizure can happen by many different causes: lack of sleep, high blood pressure, hormonal changes, etc. They reasoned that a combination of factors could have attributed to my seizure. They said that it was likely that it wouldn't happen again, if my tests showed that there were no underlying issues. 

I stayed overnight in the hospital. The next day I had ample time to contemplate the previous day's events. As I sat alone in my quiet hospital room, I reflected on the brevity of life, the importance of knowing Jesus, and uncontrollable nature of certain aspects of our lives. I realized from this experience that despite being in great health, traumatic events can and do occur without warning. God reminded me that He is sovereign over my days. And He reminded me of His great love for me in Jesus Christ, my Savior. 

Although all of my tests had come back normal, the most difficult news came from my OBGYN. She informed me that because of the seizure it was likely that I wouldn't be allowed to drive for up to six months. Ouch. That was a hard pill to swallow. I would have to follow up with a neurologist to confirm that, but six months suddenly felt like an eternity. However, I knew that it could be A LOT worse. 

At around 4pm, I was finally allowed to go home. Chance, Hudson, Shayla, and Aubrey came up to the hospital to take me home. We walked back to Swiss Towers in the bright afternoon sunshine. 

It has taken us these past two weeks to feel comfortable again. We have begun to experience a new "normal" (as much as possible with a newborn!) - running errands together, texting frequently when I am home alone, etc. 

God is definitely teaching me humility as I learn to rely on others for practical help. And I am learning to trust that despite whatever trials I face, God is faithful. 

Aubrey's Birth Story - Part One

Written March 22, 2015: As I sit in the hospital room, the first evening with Aubrey, I am just struck by how thankful I am to God. He has really blessed Chance and I in so many ways - two of which are our TWO children: Hudson and baby Aubrey. We don't deserve these gifts, and though I know there will be time that I will take them for granted, my prayer is that God would help to me steward and shepherd their little lives well. What a privilege, blessing, and honor to birth, raise, and parent children.  This verse rings in my heart tonight: "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward."  Psalm 127:3

And now to her birth story... My second pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I had the typical discomforts like heartburn and back pain, but overall my pregnancy was great. I had expectations that Baby A (since we hadn't named her yet) would arrive on her due date, so we planned that my mom would come for that weekend. A week before she came I thought that my water had broken. After about 20 hours and still no contractions, we decided to go get checked at the hospital. As it turned out my water bag was still in tact and baby was just as cozy as ever. 

Well mom came, the weekend went by, and still no baby had arrived. I was very disappointed and needless to say, I was frustrated that (again!) God chose not to answer my prayer that baby would be born on her due date (side note: Hudson was 11 days past his due date). 

A whole week went by, I went to the doctor again, no changes in my cervix but baby's fluid looked great. I decided to just wait it out. On Friday (March 20) Shayla (Chance's mom) arrived. On Saturday afternoon I thought I was having some mild contractions, but wasn't sure so I didn't mention it to Chance. That evening (early Sunday morning) at about 2am, I was woken up by some pretty uncomfortable contractions. I didn't wake Chance up on the off chance that it wasn't actually labor. I went back to sleep and after another hour went by I woke up again. I decided to time the contractions - 10 minutes apart. These contractions lasted for a few hours, and at 5:30am Chance woke up to use the bathroom. I told him about my contractions and he got excited. We tried to lay back down but ended up just talking on and off. I didn't walk around much because the contractions were getting stronger quickly. At 7am, the contractions were 4-5 minutes apart. 

I contacted Vandi, my wonderful friend and doula, and by 8am she had arrived. Shayla came over in the meantime to watch Hudson. It was quite funny trying to get ready to go to the hospital while Hudson was running around the apartment acting like a rambunctious toddler :) Labor is definitely different when you have another child around! Vandi and I walked the hallway twice and in that amount of time I had had 4 contractions (in 6 minutes). Vandi said we should go to the hospital. So we packed up in the van and Chance dropped us off (then he parked the van at DTS and ran back to the hospital). Vandi helped me get checked in at Baylor and we were taken to a nice corner room in labor and delivery. 

At that point I was in serious pain with each contraction. The nurse checked me once I got into the room, although it was hard for me to even lay down, and I was 8cm dilated! I immediately moved to the birthing ball and leaned on a side table during each contraction. I kept saying "there's so much pressure!". My water bag still hadn't broken and I was feeling discouraged. I told Chance and Vandi that I didn't think I could do this for much longer. The contractions were so intense.  

The nurse checked me again and I was 9cm. The nurses called the doctor and the delivery team to come in. Finally, she checked me again and I was a 10! I had started to push while on the birthing ball and Vandi encouraged me that it was okay. She also kept saying "you're so strong!" which was really helpful since I was doubting my ability to continue laboring. Since my water hadn't broken yet, the nurse asked if I wanted them to break it. I consented and once they did the insane pressure that I had been feeling was relieved. I got into the bed which they had made into a chair, I pushed once and Chance saw her hair! During a break between contractions, I remember telling Chance to pray. He prayed a heartfelt (probably somewhat flustered) prayer. Afterwards he would mention how great a testimony that was. I pushed again and she was almost here! I pushed a few more times during the next contraction and delivered baby Aubrey! 

It was such an intense but joyful experience. Aubrey's birth was amazingly rewarding. We didn't decide until after she was born that her name would be Aubrey Olivia. We are still getting used to it and to the fact that we have two children. What an amazing blessing. God is so good. 

The next day I was able to go home from the hospital because I was feeling great. And then... (To be continued in Part 2). 

Race Recap - Texas "Whine Not" Another Marathon

After the craziness of the cancelation of the Dallas Marathon less than two weeks ago, I scrambled to sign up for a new race as soon as I could. I didn't want to travel very far, but it was looking like that would be inevitable, since most of the races that still had space were further away. My other option was waiting until February or April to run, but I wasn't sure that I could train for another few months. A friend of mine sent me a link to a race here in Dallas. It was the following weekend. The race was called the Texas Whiner Series Marathon. I had never heard of it, nor had I heard of the race location: Bachman Lake. On a whim, after Chance's encouragement, I signed up for it. 

As the days dwindled down to race time, I began to get really nervous. After all, I had completed some pretty unconventional training. I used the Hansons Marathon Method to train for this race: my first full marathon. My longest run had been only 16.5 miles. In comparison to most training plans, which have you run at least one 20-miler, this training plan capped at 16 miles for its longest run. I ran 6 days a week, incorporating strength, speed, and tempo workouts. It was hard, but so much fun. 

The night before the race, Chance and I were in the kitchen talking. I asked him, "So, how do you think I'm going to do tomorrow?" I was hoping for some major ego boosters as I was really starting to get the pre-race jitters. His response: "Well.. I know that if anyone can do it, you can." Um, not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I'll take it! He went on to explain that 26.2 miles is a reallllllly long way to run and since I had only run a few 16-milers, he wasn't 100% sure I'd be able to finish. Yikes. Now I wasn't so sure either...

Race morning! I didn't sleep well the night before (big surprise!) but still got up at at 5:30 to eat and get ready. Downed some gluten-free waffles, a bit of coffee, and got dressed. It was 32 degrees outside. Chance and Hudson took me to the race start where a group of about 60 other people were gathered. 

Pre-race

The race was so low-key and non-intimidating. I liked that a lot. The woman, who was giving instructions about the course, asked if anyone was a first-time marathoner. A number of other people (including me!) raised their hands. This was it, no backing out now! I was so ready to start running. At 7:00am the clock started and all of us runners were off.

The sun started to come up just after 7:00, and it turned out to be a beautiful morning. There was no wind, which was amazing. The course was eight 3-mile-long laps around Bachman Lake and then a short out-and-back about 3/4 mile to the finish line. I thought that going around in a circle would get monotonous, but it actually wasn't bad at all. 

I got near the front of the "pack" with about three other runners ahead of me. I was going to try to maintain about an 8:12 pace for the whole race. My first few miles I found it difficult to even out my pace, but once I got into a rhythm I was much more steady-going. I began talking to a woman who was running right behind me, who was shooting for a similar finish time. We were both trying for BQ's (Boston Qualifying times - 3:35:00). I was more or less just doing that for fun, to see if I could actually get close to that time. My actual goal time was 3:40:00.

At about the halfway point, I began to feel some soreness in my legs, but not too bad. As I got closer to that 16-mile mark, I was getting excited because I still felt really good. After I passed 16 miles and finished 17, 18, 19 miles I was pumped because I hadn't run that long... ever!

Around mile 20, I went to grab some gummies from my running belt and to my horror realized that I had dropped my phone (or so I thought). I spent the next two laps trying to remember whether or not I had actually taken it with me. When I saw Chance and Hudson pull up in the car, just as I passed mile 23 (still feeling somewhat fresh!) I was relieved to discover that Chance had my phone the whole time.. whoops. It was a nice distraction, anyways. 

I yelled to them, "Last lap!", and kept on running. I decided to push my pace a little bit when I got to mile 24, so my last two miles were under 8:00. Throughout the whole race, I had passed by other runners who cheered me on, or yelled things like "You're killing it!" That was truly helpful! Thank you, other runners! 

When I got to the turn around to make it back to the finish line, I thought that I might just make the 3:35:00 mark. As I sprinted to the finish, I looked at the clock which read "3:36:14". I  couldn't believe it! I had finished my first marathon, and had done it UNDER my goal time of 3:40:00. I didn't really care that I missed a BQ by about a minute. I was just thankful to have been able to run this race, cheered on by some other wonderful runners and my two biggest fans: Chance and Huddy.

Hudson after the race. He was just too excited to take his morning nap.

At the finish line, the race volunteers told me my official time (3:36:14) and told me that I had finished first female overall. Now THAT was a huge surprise. Granted, there were only 60 people in the whole race (not exactly the Dallas Marathon) but still! Overall, my first marathon experience couldn't have been better. I am super happy that my training**, as unconventional as it was, paid off. After three days, I am beginning to feel much less sore, and can't wait to get back out there logging more miles. 

Post-race

Happy Running! 

[**I would definitely recommend the Hansons Marathon Method to anyone looking to train for a marathon. Whether it's your first or tenth, HMM will push your expectations and help you to achieve beyond what you think your body is capable of.]

Post-[What Would Have Been My First]-Marathon Reflections

On Wednesday afternoon, I went out for a slow, four-mile run down Swiss Avenue, enjoying the beautiful 79 degree weather. I thought, "Surely tomorrow's forecast for freezing rain is a little farfetched." This picture can attest to how I could have rationalized that thought. 

On Thursday morning, the temperature had dropped to just above 32 degrees, and the clouds which hung in the sky looked unpromising. Unfortunately for me, I guess the weather man got it right. The plan was to have two friends and one family member of mine, from out of state, fly in the next day. We were all supposed to run the Dallas Marathon on Sunday. On Friday, I got the news that my friend's flight had been canceled. Then the truly unexpected happened...

After more than twenty-four hours since getting the news that the Dallas Marathon was canceled, I am still experiencing a whole gamut of emotions. I am frustrated, disappointed, and sad. I had such high hopes for myself, especially since this was to be my FIRST full marathon. My goal was to run under 3:40:00, having completed the Hanson's Marathon Method Beginner Program. 

As I said in my previous post just a few days ago, I learned a lot from my training; discipline, thankfulness, amongst other things. I still believe God's goodness and sovereignty despite this major disappointment. My theology is working for me! 

But disappointment is an interesting beast. We get most disappointed when our expectations are the highest. After four months of hard work, I had set high goals of completing this marathon and doing it well. Naturally, my disappointment is not minor. In the grand scheme of eternity, this is so insignificant. 

In the last day, I have even felt silly for crying about the circumstances surrounding this disappointing weekend. But at the same time, we are human beings created with very real emotions. It is all about how you control those emotions that determine whether or not your response to your circumstances is correct or not. 

By the grace of God, I believe that I have kept my perspective on eternity and my emotions in check (for the most part). Nevertheless, I am bummed about not running [what would have been my first] marathon. L

Perhaps, God is teaching me humility. Or maybe he is reminding me that He is God and I am not. Shoot, He desires to teach me all these things and in the midst of it, remind me of His grace which I do not deserve. I am reminded of what Paul says in 1 Timothy 6, that bodily discipline is of some value, whereas godliness is valuable not only in this life, but also in the life to come. 

That truth stings my flesh as I try to rationalize how important running this race was to me. On the one hand, finishing this marathon was going to be a great blessing and accomplishment; on the other hand, if my hope is bound up in just completing a road race, then I need to get my priorities straight. Talk about a reality check!

It has been helpful for me to write these thoughts down as I reflect on my unmet expectations. From here, I don't know what my running schedule will look like. I am not sure when I will run a marathon: next weekend, in the spring, or next December, perhaps. Whatever happens, I am confident that God will get the glory. He controls the details of our everyday lives and has proven to me [again] that His ways are not my ways, nor are His thoughts my thoughts (Isa. 55). 

Whether you are in the midst of disappointment, as I am, or you can look back retrospectively at disappointment in your life, rest assured that God is the same. Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." When life doesn't go according to plan, like I've experienced this weekend, we can trust that God has it all under control. 

Pre-Marathon Reflections

After four months of training for my first marathon, I am compelled to take the time to think back on what my training has taught me. 

First, I am thankful. I have been able to run six days a week, for the past four and a half months. That is astonishing! My body has held up (for the most part), I have been injury-free, and I have been given both the time and ability to train. 

I am thankful for Chance and his self-sacrifice on my behalf. I am thankful for his support and love. I am thankful for him as Hudson's father, who loves to care for his son. 

I am also thankful that my runs have been times of prayer, reflection, and meditation on God. I love being able to go outside and enjoy God's creation while at the same time enjoying the benefits on exercise. What a gift. 

Second, I have developed a deeper desire for discipline in my life. Marathon training requires consistency, perseverance, and sacrifice. In a word: discipline. I think that my personality tends to gravitate toward routine and self-discipline anyways, which is one reason that I love have a training schedule. I have thoroughly enjoyed being able to have daily set goals (amount of mileage) then setting each day out to accomplish those mileage goals. It has been an rewarding and satisfying experience for me.

Lastly, marathon training has revealed to me the truth Jesus spoke of in Matthew 6:21, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I have valued marathon training. Sometimes I have valued it too much, though, and when my plans don't go accordingly I become irritated. God has shown me the ways in which I can make running an idol if I am not careful to guard my heart. This is all a part of my sanctification. Running can be be both used for God's glory and abused to my shame. 

Well, the countdown continues as I wait for race day. I'm sure there will be plenty more to write about once I cross that finish line. Dallas Marathon 2013, here I come! 

(Stay tuned for Post-Marathon Reflections!)

The Life of A Seminary Wife: Part 3 - Solutions

After observing some of the struggles that seminary wives experience, I now want to suggest some possible solutions for dealing with these issues. 

At the outset, it must be noted that although difficulties are a part of life, there are both godly and ungodly ways to respond. I believe that God has given us His Word for the purpose (amongst many other reasons) of directing us to him when life gets tough. 2 Peter 1:3 says that we have been given everything we need for life and godliness. That's an all-encompassing promise. Through God's Word, we can be directed, helped, encouraged, exhorted, reproved, taught, enlightened, and changed to walk in obedience to God and his commands. That being said, I want to give some biblical wisdom addressing the unique struggles mentioned in Part 1 of this series. 

1. Redeem the time - Ephesians 5:15-16 says that Christians are to "look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." Our days are numbered. I am reminded of this every night when I go to sleep. It is sobering to think that if the Lord chooses, I could not wake up the next morning. James 4:14-17 concludes that we do not know when our lives will come to an end, therefore we should not assume that our plans will always go accordingly. In light of eternity, the four years (or perhaps more...) that you spend at seminary are really just a blip in time. 

However, we are called to "make the best use of the time", in whatever season or circumstance of life God has put us. In seminary, you have an abundance of resources at your disposal: the library, opportunities to audit classes, seminars, seminary wives' ministries, like-minded women living next door. The list goes on. There will not be another time in your life, as you eventually go out into the ministry, when you will have all of these resources so readily available. 

Likewise, seminary proves to be a fruitful time of learning for both student and spouse. I can attest to the fact that I have become more disciplined in reading books, studying the Scriptures, and listening to sermons while being at seminary. Why? My husband is always talking about this subject or that biblical text, which sparks my curiosity (and challenges me!) so that I go after answers to tough questions. I also realize that this is a time of ministry preparation for me, as well as for Chance. After we leave seminary, we will likely be in a church or other ministry context where I will not have the opportunities for training, mentorship, and theological growth, like I have right now. All that to say - don't waste this time!

2. Repent of bitterness; be thankful - Ephesians 4:31 says "You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk." (NET) This verse cuts to the heart. If we are mulling about with resentment and bitterness toward our husbands, we are sinning not only against our husbands, but against our God. 

Bitterness tends to grow most rapidly in those who only focus on the negative aspects of life. If a wife complains about the city she now lives in, the church she now attends, the people she is meeting (or not meeting), and the job she now works at, the seed of bitterness has already blossomed; the root of it is very deep.

However, if a wife has a mind set on thanksgiving, her attitude will be one of gratitude rather than bitterness. Paul explicitly says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." Elsewhere Paul says to make your requests known to God with thanksgiving, and that we should give thanks "always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Eph. 5:20). Lastly, Colossians 3:17 says "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Clearly, the Scriptures teach that our response to the circumstances that God has put us in, whether easy or difficult, should be thanksgiving. 

God has blessed you with a husband who desires to (1) learn the Bible, (2) serve the Lord, and (3) provide for his household. God has brought you to seminary for his sovereign purposes, and it would be a shame to waste the time by being bitter or resentful. God will bless the time if you obey his commands. When we are tempted to become bitter, remember God's will for you: give thanks in all circumstances. 

3. Remember, you aren't alone - The privilege of learning at an institution like seminary cannot be overstated. Moreover, the opportunity to learn and grow alongside like-minded believers is an enormous blessing. There have been many days, however, when that reality has not been on the forefront of my mind. 

Too many times I have forgotten that I am in the same boat as many other wives! My exhortation to wives who are experiencing loneliness, is to first remember that you aren't the only one going through this. Secondly, remember that you aren't meant to do this alone. Third, you will remain lonely if you are always alone, so join a community. 

On the last note, whether it is a women's bible study at your church or a ministry directed at seminary wives specifically, you will do well to intentionally surround yourself with other seminary wives. You need them and they need you. 

Lastly, "seek the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near" (Is. 55:6). God has a purpose for you in the midst of your loneliness. He wants you to draw near to him and find your comfort in him. 

I hope that this series has been helpful for those current and future seminary wives. It is my desire that as you go through seminary with your husband, you will never lose sight of the goodness of the Lord in putting right where you are. 

The Life of A Seminary Wife: Part 2 - Surprising Graces

Last week we looked at the struggles a seminary wife faces. This week I will write about some of the lessons that God has taught me during our time in seminary.

Prayer - While I was out running this morning, I was also praying. This is not abnormal for me, being that it is one of the few times I get to spend by myself. I love to utilize this time in order to meditate on the Lord and beseech him on behalf of myself, our family, and especially my husband. The Lord has been teaching me about prayer over the last year. Through various books on the topic, a study of the Lord's model prayer (Matthew 6), and my own personal study of the Scriptures, prayer has been a huge focus for me lately. 

Not only am I convinced of my need for prayer (personally), I am convinced that the single most important way that a wife can serve her husband is to pray for him. As I mentioned previously, seminary has unique challenges. I have often felt that I do not have the right answers to Chance's theological questions, nor the correct counsel in certain situations. However, I can always take his burdens to the Lord in prayer. 

I have been profoundly impacted to learn the necessity and privilege of prayer through the study of the Word of God. Although no where in the Scriptures are wives commanded to pray for their husbands, what other person do you know more intimately than your mate? Who does your husband share his burdens with? Who knows his propensities and struggles with sin more than you? A wife is called to a life of service alongside her husband. The best way a wife can serve her husband is by interceding for him.

Study - Over the last two years, God has impressed upon my heart a desire for the study of theology. When I became a Christian in college, I was very intimidated by ministry majors (i.e. Chance and others) who seemed to know everything there was to know about the Bible. I had very little head knowledge, and I was put off by the arrogance of some who were zealous in their studies. 

However, God has completely renovated my way of thinking about theology. Chance has impressed upon me, over and over again, the great blessing that learning is. He has challenged my thinking by asking pressing questions and picking my brain about my convictions. We have wrestled through a great many theological topics together. I have been his sounding board, as he works through issues in Scripture; and he has been mine.

I have grown in my confidence to be able to study theology on my own. He has been the greatest encourager in my walk with the Lord, convincing me to read [many] books that I insisted were way beyond my intellectual level. I have come to a deep appreciation of extra-biblical books and theological studies. God has used the avenue of my mind to deepen my walk with Him, and God has grow me in ways I did not think possible. 

Circumstances - Bible reading, prayer, journaling, and quiet times: these are all wonderful graces that God uses to grow Christians in their walk with him. However, I have learned that God also uses our circumstances to sanctify us. 

After Chance and I had been in Dallas for 7 months, the Lord took us out of a ministry that we were a part of. It happened rather quickly, and we did not at all expect it. Our plan was to begin trying to start a family once Chance was in his last year of seminary. But, after our ministry plans fell through, we began to reconsider our timeline for our family. 

About two months later, I got pregnant. I hadn't even been working at my job for a full year! I was nervous about what kind of sacrifices this would mean for us and whether this was the wisest decision. But, we knew that this was the direction the Lord was taking us, although it would mean some serious life change (especially for me). It was not at all what I had expected would happen when we moved here the previous year.

In a matter of months, I went from full-time executive assistant (without children) to stay-at-home mom. It was a drastic change, and I struggled for a few months to get the hang of being at home all day with a newborn. God used those first few weeks of adjustment and difficulty to cause me to depend on him in a way that I hadn't before. I was suddenly very aware of my selfishness, impatience, frustration, anger, pride, and autonomy. But I also saw God's patience, kindness, love, sovereignty, forbearance, and faithfulness more clearly than I had before having Hudson. 

The past two and a half years of our seminary experience have been a roller coaster ride. Though, I am so thankful for how God has blessed us and for what he continues to teach me through this time. He has surprised us in many ways, but God never withheld his great grace in the midst of every circumstance.