Great Expectations

"Expectations ruin relationships."

A few days ago I was having a conversation with my mother in law about the above quote. We talked about how when we expect people to act a certain way and then they act contrary to our expectation we end up disappointed and discouraged. In the past few days I have been reminded (or rather convicted) of this truth in my relationship to God and his sovereignty. 

When I was told that my due date was January 10th, 2013, I expected to have a baby by then. I thought that my water would break in the morning, I'd be able to shower, labor at home, then go to the hospital for an hour or so of pushing and then I'd be holding our son, all by 5pm! However, January 10th has come and gone, and I am still not holding this baby. In the past 24 hours I have had many thoughts of frustration and confusion. In my frustration today I have asked God many 'why' questions. As I was discussing my confusion with Chance this morning, I asked him, "Why didn't God answer my prayer that my water would break this morning?" I have wondered why first babies usually come late, why there are due dates at all, and why God has not yet answered my prayers that I would go into labor. And yet, as the minutes and hours pass and still I am without this baby in my arms (although he is still fluttering around in my stomach) I have been brought back to a simple truth that reflects the quote above: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8) I have been expecting that God would conform to my plans. One of my favorite preachers, John Piper, often says that God is doing a thousand things when he is doing one thing. I believe that Piper is referring to the thousands of things that God is doing that we simply cannot see, while we tend to focus on the one thing that God is doing that we can see. The Proverbs talk about the plans of man and the ways of the Lord, and how the two things are many times at odds. We expect that God will do exactly what we want, when we want, but that is taking God off the throne. It is interesting how we do take comfort in the fact that God is in control, but when our plans are distorted we rebel against the same comforting truth. I am not saying that it is easy to always believe, but thankfully the Word of God reminds us over and over again, lest we forget. 

Psalm 145:17 says, "The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works." As I write this, I am staring at that verse on a plaque that sits on my desk. Do I really believe that God is kind in all his works? Perhaps intellectually, but not always practically. When I allow emotions to dictate my reaction to circumstances, my natural impulse is to become self-pitying and doubt God's kindness and care of me. However, when I let the Word of God penetrate my mind and heart, I find rest even if I do not have all of the answers. Moreover, as I play this waiting game and try to focus on what is true, my soul counsels me to think of the circumstances in which God has chosen to remind me of his sovereignty and kindness. I am having a baby! What a blessing it is to know that on this occasion what I am expecting is imminent. Hudson will be born. If I do not grasp the truth of God's ways being higher than my ways in this situation, I fear how I will respond when the circumstances are not so hopeful. May God use this short period of waiting to teach me to trust him at all times, to have faith in his ways rather than trusting in my own, and to place my expectations in his promises. 

For all of you who have had to wait on the Lord's timing, whether it has been in the birth of a child or in the job hunting process, know that the Lord's way are higher than our ways, that he is a good and kind God, that he causes all things to work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose, and that he is always doing a thousand unseen things in the one thing you can see.

Excited Anticipation

Unfortunately, I thought that not working full-time would entail a whole lot of catching up on blogging... I was wrong. It seems that the month of December (okay, the entirety of Fall) has flown by and I haven't even stopped to write about what has been on my heart. Well, this morning I would like to share a few thoughts from the past month about the anticipation of the arrival of our son. 


First, let me start by saying that this pregnancy has been wonderful. I have had little pain, no complications, and was sick for only a short period of time. I have experienced the best of pregnancy and I hope that all the rest of my pregnancies are just like this one! Another thing that has been wonderful about this pregnancy, is the amount of support and love that Chance and I have received from our family, friends, and church body. The overwhelming generosity of so many people has truly abounded in the last few months and we are astounded at God's goodness to us through all of you. Last month, two of my sweet friends (with the help of a lot more sweet people!) threw a baby shower for me. It was a wonderful time of fellowship, gift opening, game-playing, and prayer. It was a joy, and I hope that both of the hostesses know how much they are appreciated and loved. In addition, my mother, mother-in-law, aunt, and one of my best childhood friends were all able to come to Dallas to celebrate! What a joy! It truly was an unforgettable experience. Hudson now has more clothes than his mommy and daddy... combined. No joke. 

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, life did not slow down. Instead of perusing the stores at the mall for gifts, Chance and I spent our time packing up boxes. Last weekend we moved into a new apartment on the campus of Dallas Theological Seminary (where Chance is pursuing a Master's degree in Theology) and began to prepare for the arrival of Hudson. I've been organizing and re-organizing, putting things in closets and decorating. It has been a hectic month of preparation, both on the homefront and in the books. Chance finished his semester last week and we settled into our new abode just in time for Christmas.

So, as we've been counting down the days until our son's "estimated arrival date", I have been contemplating what it must have been like for another mother anticipating the birth of her child. Mary, the mother of Jesus, was also pregnant at Christmas time, waiting for the arrival of her firstborn son. She was young and unprepared, yet humbly accepted God's will for her life without reservation. I can only imagine what is must have been like for Mary to travel some 70 miles to the town of Bethlehem with a man she probably knew very little, in order to begin her new life as a mother and a wife. But Mary was not just another woman about to give birth to a son, she was going to give birth to the Savior. Her anticipation of the baby about to be born to her was of something greater than the rearing of a son, but of the raising up of the Savior of the world. You can't exactly prepare to give birth to a Savior! The Scriptures portray Mary as one who thought of herself as a "the servant of the Lord..." (Luke 1:38) who viewed herself as being of a "humble estate" (Luke 1:48). When she heard what was spoken to her by the angel, and what was said of her son by the shepherds, she often contemplated quietly within herself these things that were taking place. I imagine that Mary attempted to make sense of everything that was happening around her, and probably asked God many times to help her understand who it was that this baby would be. 

Although I am not welcoming a Savior King into the world in just a few short weeks, I am preparing to welcome our firstborn son into the world. I, like Mary, am fearful and uncertain about what life will look like once he gets here. I have doubts and worries about how I will take care of him and if I will be a good mother. But also like Mary, I echo her poetic prayer, "And Mary said, "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior...for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. "(Luke 1:46-7, 49) I hope in God, the one who has given me the gift of this child. I am confident that he will be my help and my strength. As many as are the cares of my heart, God's consolations cheer my soul (Ps. 94:19). My hope for this new journey that Chance and I are about to enter into is that we would trust in our loving, sovereign God who has seen fit to give us a baby boy. We look forward to the day when we will be able to hold him in our arms and the wait will be over!

As exciting as Hudson's birth day will be, however, I know that nothing rivals the day that "the Word became flesh and dwelt among us" (John 1:14). On that day, hope arrived into the world. Our anticipation of Hudson's coming should point us to the "firstborn of all creation" (Col. 1:15) whose life and death and resurrection fulfill the promise of eternal life. Tomorrow, we celebrate the first coming of the Savior, and every day after that we look forward to Christ's second coming when he will come in glory to make all things new. Oh what a day that will be.

Beware of Commentators

Each month a pregnant woman's appearance changes as her belly grows little by little. Naturally, those around you will notice your body changing, and naturally people will make comments. This has been one of the most entertaining and sometimes frustrating parts of pregnancy.

Before Chance and I found out that we were having a boy, both of us were convinced that we were having a girl. This was due, in no small part, to the fact that almost everyone around us was convinced it was a girl, too! The first comment I remember someone making around week 19 had to do with the "way" I was carrying. Now keep in mind that I hardly showing at this point, but alas, the comment went something like this: "You have only gained weight in your tummy. It's definitely a girl! With my two boys I gained weight all over, but with my girl I only gained weight in my stomach." After hearing that, I was confident that this person was right. However, since week 19, I have heard this exact comment--only OPPOSITE! Multiple people have told me that because I have only gained weight in my tummy that it MUST be a boy. Wow, talk about contradicting opinions! 

About two months after we found out that I was carrying a boy, a woman Chance and I were talking with told us adamantly that we would be having a girl. I corrected her by telling her that we had been to the doctor and had seen the sonogram of our baby boy. "We are having a boy," I repeated to her, but it was to no avail. She was convinced that regardless of what the sonogram said that we were having a girl; in other words, the doctors were wrong. Oh fooey.

Just this past weekend, a woman told me that I was carrying very low, which is (apparently) an indication that it is a boy, and that he will arrive early. Really? Most people who I've talked to have said that I am carrying HIGH and that your first is typically on time or even late. I've been told that Hudson will definitely come before the new year, that he'll be here before his due date, that he'll arrive on his due date, and that he'll probably be late so don't expect him early--all from different sources! Everyone has their opinion, and everyone is indeed entitled to their opinions. But are they helpful to the pregnant woman who is already anxious about the way she looks and about when her baby will arrive? I would answer a definitive no. 

I say all of this to simply conclude that it is not always wise to listen to the "advice" of others. More often that not, that advice is not correct, and will just lead you to think something that is probably not true. Thankfully, there haven't been any comments that have caused me to break down into tears (at least not yet!). Therefore, I would advise you to take everything with a grain of salt, and be thankful for knowledgeable healthcare professionals who give their honest, expert opinions. And just remember that doctors make mistakes too. 

And the next time you think about sharing your two cents with the expectant mother at the grocery store, you might be wise to keep those lips sealed.

-Kathryn

Race Recap - Running for Two

After a long time of anticipation, I finally accomplished my goal: running a half marathon while being with child. Back in April, of this year, I signed up to run the Allstate Life Insurance 13.1 Dallas Half Marathon (a mouthful huh?) for the second time. Not two weeks after I signed up and paid my fee, did I find out what I was pregnant! Since the race was at least 6 months down the road I didn't worry too much about it but kept it in the back of my mind. I thought that if I felt okay to run at that point and my doctor gave me the go ahead then (and only then) would I run the race. Well, August rolled around and I was running again fairly consistently as the weather began to cool off. I told my doctor about the upcoming race and she encouraged me in my training. Early in September, as my tummy grew significantly bigger, I began to experience some pretty intense round ligament pain in my pelvic area. The nurse at the doctor's office encouraged me to purchase a maternity support belt to help ease the pain when I ran. It helped tremendously. Right after that I began to follow an 8-week training plan to get ready for the half marathon that had at one time seemed so far off! It was now right around the corner. The goal was to run 3 times a week and cross train when possible. I had already been running between 10-15 miles per week, and transitioning to the training plan was not that difficult. 

Each week I increased my mileage by about 2 miles, my longest "short" run was 5 miles at about 9:30min/mi pace. My longest "long" run was 10 miles at 10:00-12:00min/mi pace. Two weeks before the race I had an ultrasound where the sonographer measured the size of the baby to determine if he was growing at a normal rate. My doctor had said that if he was measuring small that I needed to ease up on running and possibly not run the race at all.  I was okay with that, I just wanted to do what was healthy and safest for Hudson! The ultrasound showed that he was growing right on par and my doctor said that I could keep on training. I completed that 10-miler on a warm Saturday afternoon only a week before the half marathon. I was starting to feel nervous about the reality of running this race. Was I crazy?! On Tuesday before the race, Chance mentioned that he wanted to run with me when we got home, and so we went for an easy 2.5 mile run on a beautiful evening. I began to feel run down on Thursday and so I took the day off to rest. As Saturday approached I was more and more nervous, but also excited. I couldn't believe it was finally here! On Friday night, I could not sleep and must have only gotten 3-4 hours of sleep. And then it was race morning. I got up around 5:30am, ate some breakfast and drank some coffee. The weather had changed and the temperature was a lovely 38 degrees at the start of the race! 

Chance and I drove downtown, parked, and jogged over to the starting line. It was a blistery morning but not a cloud in the sky and the buildings downtown twinkled as the sun rose. I warmed up and Chance practiced his photography skills. I hopped over to the starting line and chatted with a few ladies who asked, "Are you pregnant?!" It was funny to hear other people's responses to seeing me running alongside of them. At one point during the race a woman said, "I am just admiring you right now.. you must do this often!" I told her that it was not my first half marathon and that all I wanted to do was finish. I continued to run all the way until past mile 6 (after taking a short stretch break around mile 2) at which point I walked for about 2 minutes, through a water station. I was beginning to ache at this point, but did not feel at all fatigued. I kept running until mile 8 where I walked for a few minutes again and then kept running at a steady pace. After the 11 mile mark, at the American Airlines Center, I texted my friend Mallory and called Chance to tell them I was almost done! I'd be at the finish in about 20 minutes. I walked the next 1/2 mile and then ran the rest of the race, spotting Chance just before the finish line in the bright sunshine. My mood was light, I was thrilled to be finishing, and was just plain happy that I was able to run with my little buddy, Hudson, snoozing away inside of me. It was a great day and I am so glad that God allowed me to run. I will forever have the memories of running 13.1 miles while 29 weeks pregnant with our first child. 

To all those other pregnant (or future pregnant) ladies out there, I would encourage you to run through your pregnancy if you have a consistent running regime now. I would have been unwise had I not been a runner previous to becoming pregnant. If you are unsure about whether or not it is safe or healthy for you or your baby, let me give you some advice based on my own experience: 

1. Running has helped me to stay energized. I have not been very tired throughout this pregnancy (only in the first trimester), and I attribute it to consistently running.
2. Running has allowed me to gain very minimal pregnancy weight. I have gained the recommended amount of weight for my body size/type and basically all of the weight has been in my belly and upper body.
3. Running has been a great motivator for labor! I am confident that if all goes according to plan, I will be able to have a natural birth no problem. I am hoping that training through my round ligament/pelvic pain has been a good setup for natural childbirth.
4. Running has been a way that I have been reminded of the blessing, joy, and honor of carrying a child in my tummy for 9 months. I am continually amazed that there is a little person inside of me, living and growing. Every time I run I get to feel the changes that my body has experienced because of him! 

So after 30 weeks (today!) I can say that with all the excitement that I experienced in running this half marathon, I am even more excited to meet Hudson in just 10 more weeks! Please keep praying for me and Hudson, as Chance and I await his arrival!

Jules, Greek Words, and Etc.

Wow, I haven't posted in a while, sorry. But today I am resolved because I have a million thoughts spiraling around in my brain and I need to just write them all down. Thankfully, that's one of the reasons I have a blog. A few major things that I'm thinking about: pregnancy, Hudson (our baby), and fear.

Yesterday, I had my 21-week (going on 22 tomorrow) sonogram with our sonographer whose name is Jules. I got to know her a bit better yesterday and I love her! Chance didn't join me for this sono since it was just a check-up, so her and I had some good time to chat. She is a wonderfully cheerful young lady, and when she mentioned she had just attended a young adults' retreat we got to talking about church and community. It was really neat to found out that she is mentored by a woman from our church who works for the DPRC (Dallas Pregnancy Resource Center) where Jules also volunteers! As we looked up at the screen at shy (he won't ever show us his face!), little Hudson's body, I asked her if one reason we can see babies' organs so well is because their skin is translucent. She commented on how amazing God's creation is, and I agreed. It was a blessing to share a mutual understanding about the life of the one in my belly with a person so gifted in what she does! [Note: she confirmed that Hudson is still DEFINITELY a boy!]

Secondly, Chance and I have been throwing around some pretty awesome Greek words lately, my favorite being κοιλία (pronounced: "koilia"). It means WOMB, or belly! I think it'd be a pretty girl's name. I feel Hudson kicking all the time in my belly, which is such a sweet reminder that he is still in my tummy. His movements are probably my favorite part about the second trimester. I just love being able to actually feel him in there!

Fear. I have had a lot of it lately. Mostly my fears are of the unknown. I have boiled down my fear to a lack of trusting God. I realize that instead of trusting in His purposes, I am trusting in circumstances. I am fearful about labor, delivery, the uncertainty of how things will go, his health, recovery, etc. The list goes on. I have had to make it a practice to stop my trail of thoughts and focus on facts like: "God is good", "God is sovereign", "God is in control". I am thankful that God's Word tells us and resassures us in our moments of fear and doubt, that these things are true.

I love the Psalms and am always drawn back to them when I am having fearful or anxious thoughts. Psalms 56, 62, and 139 are just a few that have been constant reminders of the trustworthiness of God, the greatness of God, and the omniscience of God. I have been able to rest in what I do not know because I am confident that God does know. He has planned all the details from the intricacies of my baby's growth to the days of my baby's life. This morning I prayed that the Lord would "Search me and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!" (Ps. 139:23) He has been answering this prayer by first showing me my fear and then comforting me in it as well. After reading a terribly sad story on The Gospel Coalition of a couple who lost their first baby boy (named Haddon), I was almost in tears this morning. But this women's testimony of her trust in God's good and gracious purposes in her and her husband's life, through the loss of their baby, was awe-inspiring. Our God is not only good and gracious, but worthy to be trusted with every detail of our lives.

So as I contemplate what the next 4 months of pregnancy will hold, I am choosing to surrender it all to the Lord: who searches me, who knows me, who is well acquainted with all of my ways, who knows my thoughts from afar, who hems me in behind and before, who lays his hand upon me, whose presence I cannot flee from, and whose right hand I am constantly being held by. "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:14)

And the verdict is...

This is just about the funniest picture I have ever seen. Saw it on Pinterest, go figure. Well I thought I would make the exciting announcement to the social media world, that Chance and I will be having a ... BOY! Coming soon: Hudson Thomas Sumner! We cannot wait, we are beyond excited, and so incredibly thankful for this new little addition that we get to welcome into the world in just a few short months. May God continue to be gracious to us as we await his arrival. Thank you all for your prayers!

Love,

Kathryn and Chance

Food on Friday: Cravings

About a week or two after we found out that I was pregnant, I wanted to start making a list of the foods that I craved along the way, just to document. And partly because it is so funny to me. I think that this is the first time in my life where I do not have reservations about eating a lot of chocolate, cheese or dreaming of peanut butter toast for breakfast. I am going to blame it on the hormones, while also being conscious of my tendency to idolize food. I definitely don't want to use my pregnancy as an excuse to sin! Going on week 7 here was my list:

• Cheddar cheese (lactose-free!) & crackers
• Mac'n'cheese (unfortuately I'm allergic to wheat & dairy, so it might be difficult to quench this craving)
• Dark chocolate.. haven't eaten much though
• Fruit
• Anything with tomatoes >>>>>>>>>
• Peanut butter toast
• Peanut butter on rice cakes
• Peanut butter.. on ANYTHING! The salty/sweet taste is perfect for a queasy tummy
• Grilled cheese & tomato soup - oh man I want this so bad right now (written at 9:30am, Tuesday 5/15/12)
• Red pepper flakes (spicy)

Week 8:

• NO FOOD - BLEH
• I especially did not want = salads or coffee

Week 9:

• EGGS! Scrambled & sunny side-up with GF toast, in the morning. Yum.

Week 10:

• Cherry Jolly Ranchers (weird, right?)
• Frozen yogurt - well I actually crave this even when I am not pregnant.

Week 11:

• Still a lot of fruit! Berries in particular
• Still a lot of tomatoe-y foods
• Lemon anything - esp. lemon rice, lemon tea, lemon water
• Salads are back :)
• Greek salad
• Vinegar-y salad dressing ONLY
• Hummus
• I really want some pita bread.. but I can't eat it :( Dumb gluten allergy.
• Protein - I think my body is alerting me more to my need of certain nutrients
• Any raw vegetables

Weeks 12-14:

• Back to pretty much normal.. although deli meat was yummy these weeks
• Cake pops/balls - my friend made some gluten free for me and they were so good
• Coffee in the mornings again!

• Indian food

Weeks 15-16:

• Resumed normal eating habits
• I had a strange craving for DILL PICKLES, so I bought a jar and ate them all in 3 days
• Creamy peanut butter.. as always :)

To recap: weirdest craving  all sorts of tomate-based foods: soups, stews, Other than that, since I am now into the second trimester I am trying to eat healthfully while not being too hard on myself. I have been reading that the second trimester is really the most important time to be getting all of your nutrients and to stay hydrated. I usually drink about 64 to 72 ounces of water a day, so pregnancy has just given me a better excuse to drink all the water I want! I am very grateful that thus far I have felt great (second trimester) and have been gaining weight just as the doctor ordered. Four months down, five to go.. EEK!

Confessions: Of A Pregnant Runner

Since this is my first pregnancy it's been quite the rollercoaster of experiences. In the first trimester, I had a vast array of physical symptoms: nausea, irritability, breast tenderness, emotional "flexibility" (more like instability), and fatigue. Recently, I entered into the second trimester - wahoo! - and am now almost 15 weeks pregnant! I have noticed that my difficulties are now the internal struggles of insecurity and uncertainty. In this post I want to relay what sort of struggles this pregnant woman, like any woman, has had on both the heart and head level.


There is a baby in that belly!

As a runner, it is important to keep yourself consistently fit, which means maintaining your fitness level by eating healthfully, running an average number of miles per week, and cross training to keep your body free from injury. This past spring, I trained for and ran a half marathon and was in the best shape I have been in, since junior year of college (when I ran a semester's worth of cross country). I felt great and was proud of the work that I had done in order to look and feel like I did. About 3 weeks after that race, as I was recovering, we found out that I was pregnant. As we rejoiced and celebrated, I thought quietly in my heart about what this meant for my body: a lot of changes. And since I have never been pregnant before, this also meant a lot of unexpected changes. These thoughts produced fear and worry in me and I began to become anxious about the coming months and what this would mean for my overall fitness. Motherly instincts kick in as soon as you discover that you have a little person growing inside of you, and you instantly want to do "Whatever is best for the baby!" But as a woman who struggles with insecurities about her appearance, I couldn't help but have these nagging thoughts.

Like I mentioned before, in the first trimester your body is adjusting to the onslaught of hormones that your body is producing and you definitely see and feel their effects. I took a much needed break from all exercise save for walking and the occasional run. The first time I got out on the road to attempt to keep my heart rate at 150 (doctor recommended) I was sorely disappointed: 180, 190, 205, 170, 165, 190, and so on. My fitness level had clearly waned in just a month off, and I became discouraged about the possibility of running during pregnancy. My doctor has okay'ed it as long as I kept my heart rate low (my max HR is around 230) which proved somewhat difficult for me at first. Not only was I discouraged but I was humbled. Not being able to run the same pace, the same distance, with the same amount of exertion can be quite frustrating and for me it most definitely was.. and still is.

Many woman tell you that after you enter the second trimester, you start feeling much better. Thankfully, I found this to be quite true. I am very grateful that my nausea lasted only 5-6 weeks, and my fatigue became less after about 8 weeks. So I started to get up the hopes that I could get outside and continue running at a more 'normal-for-me' pace and be just fine! Well there have been a couple of factors that have still kept me from that goal: 1) My overall fitness level has somewhat decreased, 2) My body needs to exert way more energy in order to run at paces and distances that were 'easy' just a few months ago, and 3) The Texas heat kills me. I have never been one who enjoys running in 90+ degree weather, nor have I ever been able to do it particularly well. Combine all of these factors together and it makes for one discouraged, frustrated, and irritated pregnant woman.

While out for a walk last night, I discovered that these thoughts and feelings were rooted in a few different areas of sin: selfishness, discontentment, envy, and jealousy. My frustration in not being able to run how I want virtually spells out the selfishness in my heart. I want to do it for me, and when I don't/can't get what I want I become frustrated. I am discontent because what used to come so naturally is now feeling very unnatural and that creates a lack of joy in my heart. I am envious and jealous of other women that I see running with no problem: most of whom are probably not pregnant. See how foolish these things are when they are exposed? I am confronted with the fact that I am still yet to be fully redeemed, and am in need of my Savior. David says it well in Psalm 86 when he cries out, "Incline your ear, O Lord, and answer me! For I am poor and needy." In God's infinite wisdom, He knows my desires and my frustrations. Yet, He desires that I cry to Him with those frustrations and tell Him my honest feelings. I am comforted by the fact that He is "...good and ready to forgive, and abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You." (86:5)

Do I still want to run right on through this pregnancy? Absolutely! Do I believe that God will surely answer that prayer? I don't know. In the meantime, I must choose to trust Him and believe the fact that even when I can't run fast, or even run at all, God has ordained this time for my good - to teach me humility, the fleetingness of physical beauty, and fact that He cares about me in all of my weakness and stumblings. Have you ever dealt with insecurities in your pregnancy? I am right there with you sister.. let's keep fighting.

Dealing with Disappointment

Over the weekend I experienced a rather major disappointment. Let me preface that by saying for the past 2 months my husband and I have been attempting to get pregnant. We haven't used any special calculator nor kept track of my tempature daily. We have simply been trying to educate ourselves and be responsible. So when I didn't get the monthly cycle on the exact day I was supposed to, there were more than a few flutters of hope in my heart. And then I took a pregnancy test. Not pregnant. And then I took another one (this time in the morning). Not pregnant. That was last Saturday morning; what a way to begin the weekend.

In response to this major disappointment I have been thinking all week about how to deal with disappointment appropriately. This morning I was hit with the "cherry on top"... I'll spare the details. But God is so good, in that He gave me many specific things today to help me in my time of need. I'll first explain in this post how to biblically deal with discouragement, then relay the details of the encouragement the Lord gave me through multiple sovereignly ordained means.

First, in order to understand how to respond to the circumstances of life, we must first understand that this life is not how it should be. God in his love for creation, did not intend for there to be disappointments, discouragement, and disarray. When God created, he created a world unaffected by sin--and therefore unaffected by discouragement and disappointment. Adam and Eve lived in harmony and at peace with God until the Fall. When they sinned against God, and God cursed Eve's womb and Adam's work, that is when disappointment entered the world. So things are not as they should be.. but one day God will put right what we humans have broken. He will make all the pieces of the puzzle fit back together as they should, and until that day he called us to live in accordance with His Word. He calls us to live differently from the world, in light of the hope that we have in Jesus Christ.


That is the first key to our response to disappointment: the Word of God. If you have ever read the Bible you might have an inclination that God's people are just that--people. They have real emotions, including sadness and defeat. David often felt defeated by his enemies and hopeless. Paul was tempted to be discouraged when he suffered much for the sake of the gospel. Everywhere we find the characters of the Bible going through difficult circumstances, and honestly crying out to God for help and comfort. Thankfully, we also have many promises that God gives us that he will answer when we call to him. He will rescue us. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He will be our comfort in our times of need. So you see, when we have our expectations dashed we are called to respond in agreement with God's Word: with hope, courage, and patience. Psalm 27:14 says, "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord." Psalm 33:20-22 says, "Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you." When our circumstances prompt our natural inclinations to turn inwardly and believe that we are being wronged by God, let us do the antithesis and trust in the One who ordains all things for the good of his people.


The second key to our response to disappointment is: the worth of God. God is infinitely wise. He is the source of all joy and happiness. In his right hand are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11). He has created all things good, to be enjoyed with thanksgiving (1 Tim. 4:4). We oftentimes believe the lie that God is out to get us, or that God is punishing us for something we've done. But God's ways are higher than our ways; his thoughts higher than our thoughts. We cannot assume that we know the reasons why God chooses to do the things he does, but we can trust in his character as a good and gracious God. He is a majestic King that deserves our worship. Remember all the things that God did for his people Israel? He brought them out of Egypt! Remember all the things that God has done for his people--the church? We are his bride! We are his treasured possession! Remember that God has purchased you with the blood of Christ, if you are in him and possess his Spirit, for then we will choose to instead praise God rather than blame God. 


Lastly, today God has brought me much encouragement in a few specific ways that I'd like to share:

1. Isaiah 26:3-4 - I just happen to be reading Isaiah and this verse nailed it!
2. 90.9 - I never listen to the radio in the morning, but I just happened to turn it on as I was pulling into the parking garage at work and the DJs were talking about the fact that God works all things together for the good of those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8 anyone?), so that was pretty timely.
3. I found a new blog  called In View of God's Mercy, whose writer is going through a season of infertility (if you click the link you can read all about it)
4. Pandora - I listen to this internet music station all day at work. "It is Well With My Soul" came on while I was eating breakfast. Perfect.
5. Run with Mallory - I got to run 10 miles with my b.f.f. of Dallas after work! 

Just thought I'd share God's goodness and his faithfulness in the little uplifting circumstances of today. In light of the disappointment of the week, today was a small victory.