The Life of A Seminary Wife: Part 3 - Solutions

After observing some of the struggles that seminary wives experience, I now want to suggest some possible solutions for dealing with these issues. 

At the outset, it must be noted that although difficulties are a part of life, there are both godly and ungodly ways to respond. I believe that God has given us His Word for the purpose (amongst many other reasons) of directing us to him when life gets tough. 2 Peter 1:3 says that we have been given everything we need for life and godliness. That's an all-encompassing promise. Through God's Word, we can be directed, helped, encouraged, exhorted, reproved, taught, enlightened, and changed to walk in obedience to God and his commands. That being said, I want to give some biblical wisdom addressing the unique struggles mentioned in Part 1 of this series. 

1. Redeem the time - Ephesians 5:15-16 says that Christians are to "look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." Our days are numbered. I am reminded of this every night when I go to sleep. It is sobering to think that if the Lord chooses, I could not wake up the next morning. James 4:14-17 concludes that we do not know when our lives will come to an end, therefore we should not assume that our plans will always go accordingly. In light of eternity, the four years (or perhaps more...) that you spend at seminary are really just a blip in time. 

However, we are called to "make the best use of the time", in whatever season or circumstance of life God has put us. In seminary, you have an abundance of resources at your disposal: the library, opportunities to audit classes, seminars, seminary wives' ministries, like-minded women living next door. The list goes on. There will not be another time in your life, as you eventually go out into the ministry, when you will have all of these resources so readily available. 

Likewise, seminary proves to be a fruitful time of learning for both student and spouse. I can attest to the fact that I have become more disciplined in reading books, studying the Scriptures, and listening to sermons while being at seminary. Why? My husband is always talking about this subject or that biblical text, which sparks my curiosity (and challenges me!) so that I go after answers to tough questions. I also realize that this is a time of ministry preparation for me, as well as for Chance. After we leave seminary, we will likely be in a church or other ministry context where I will not have the opportunities for training, mentorship, and theological growth, like I have right now. All that to say - don't waste this time!

2. Repent of bitterness; be thankful - Ephesians 4:31 says "You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk." (NET) This verse cuts to the heart. If we are mulling about with resentment and bitterness toward our husbands, we are sinning not only against our husbands, but against our God. 

Bitterness tends to grow most rapidly in those who only focus on the negative aspects of life. If a wife complains about the city she now lives in, the church she now attends, the people she is meeting (or not meeting), and the job she now works at, the seed of bitterness has already blossomed; the root of it is very deep.

However, if a wife has a mind set on thanksgiving, her attitude will be one of gratitude rather than bitterness. Paul explicitly says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." Elsewhere Paul says to make your requests known to God with thanksgiving, and that we should give thanks "always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Eph. 5:20). Lastly, Colossians 3:17 says "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Clearly, the Scriptures teach that our response to the circumstances that God has put us in, whether easy or difficult, should be thanksgiving. 

God has blessed you with a husband who desires to (1) learn the Bible, (2) serve the Lord, and (3) provide for his household. God has brought you to seminary for his sovereign purposes, and it would be a shame to waste the time by being bitter or resentful. God will bless the time if you obey his commands. When we are tempted to become bitter, remember God's will for you: give thanks in all circumstances. 

3. Remember, you aren't alone - The privilege of learning at an institution like seminary cannot be overstated. Moreover, the opportunity to learn and grow alongside like-minded believers is an enormous blessing. There have been many days, however, when that reality has not been on the forefront of my mind. 

Too many times I have forgotten that I am in the same boat as many other wives! My exhortation to wives who are experiencing loneliness, is to first remember that you aren't the only one going through this. Secondly, remember that you aren't meant to do this alone. Third, you will remain lonely if you are always alone, so join a community. 

On the last note, whether it is a women's bible study at your church or a ministry directed at seminary wives specifically, you will do well to intentionally surround yourself with other seminary wives. You need them and they need you. 

Lastly, "seek the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near" (Is. 55:6). God has a purpose for you in the midst of your loneliness. He wants you to draw near to him and find your comfort in him. 

I hope that this series has been helpful for those current and future seminary wives. It is my desire that as you go through seminary with your husband, you will never lose sight of the goodness of the Lord in putting right where you are. 

The Life of A Seminary Wife: Part 2 - Surprising Graces

Last week we looked at the struggles a seminary wife faces. This week I will write about some of the lessons that God has taught me during our time in seminary.

Prayer - While I was out running this morning, I was also praying. This is not abnormal for me, being that it is one of the few times I get to spend by myself. I love to utilize this time in order to meditate on the Lord and beseech him on behalf of myself, our family, and especially my husband. The Lord has been teaching me about prayer over the last year. Through various books on the topic, a study of the Lord's model prayer (Matthew 6), and my own personal study of the Scriptures, prayer has been a huge focus for me lately. 

Not only am I convinced of my need for prayer (personally), I am convinced that the single most important way that a wife can serve her husband is to pray for him. As I mentioned previously, seminary has unique challenges. I have often felt that I do not have the right answers to Chance's theological questions, nor the correct counsel in certain situations. However, I can always take his burdens to the Lord in prayer. 

I have been profoundly impacted to learn the necessity and privilege of prayer through the study of the Word of God. Although no where in the Scriptures are wives commanded to pray for their husbands, what other person do you know more intimately than your mate? Who does your husband share his burdens with? Who knows his propensities and struggles with sin more than you? A wife is called to a life of service alongside her husband. The best way a wife can serve her husband is by interceding for him.

Study - Over the last two years, God has impressed upon my heart a desire for the study of theology. When I became a Christian in college, I was very intimidated by ministry majors (i.e. Chance and others) who seemed to know everything there was to know about the Bible. I had very little head knowledge, and I was put off by the arrogance of some who were zealous in their studies. 

However, God has completely renovated my way of thinking about theology. Chance has impressed upon me, over and over again, the great blessing that learning is. He has challenged my thinking by asking pressing questions and picking my brain about my convictions. We have wrestled through a great many theological topics together. I have been his sounding board, as he works through issues in Scripture; and he has been mine.

I have grown in my confidence to be able to study theology on my own. He has been the greatest encourager in my walk with the Lord, convincing me to read [many] books that I insisted were way beyond my intellectual level. I have come to a deep appreciation of extra-biblical books and theological studies. God has used the avenue of my mind to deepen my walk with Him, and God has grow me in ways I did not think possible. 

Circumstances - Bible reading, prayer, journaling, and quiet times: these are all wonderful graces that God uses to grow Christians in their walk with him. However, I have learned that God also uses our circumstances to sanctify us. 

After Chance and I had been in Dallas for 7 months, the Lord took us out of a ministry that we were a part of. It happened rather quickly, and we did not at all expect it. Our plan was to begin trying to start a family once Chance was in his last year of seminary. But, after our ministry plans fell through, we began to reconsider our timeline for our family. 

About two months later, I got pregnant. I hadn't even been working at my job for a full year! I was nervous about what kind of sacrifices this would mean for us and whether this was the wisest decision. But, we knew that this was the direction the Lord was taking us, although it would mean some serious life change (especially for me). It was not at all what I had expected would happen when we moved here the previous year.

In a matter of months, I went from full-time executive assistant (without children) to stay-at-home mom. It was a drastic change, and I struggled for a few months to get the hang of being at home all day with a newborn. God used those first few weeks of adjustment and difficulty to cause me to depend on him in a way that I hadn't before. I was suddenly very aware of my selfishness, impatience, frustration, anger, pride, and autonomy. But I also saw God's patience, kindness, love, sovereignty, forbearance, and faithfulness more clearly than I had before having Hudson. 

The past two and a half years of our seminary experience have been a roller coaster ride. Though, I am so thankful for how God has blessed us and for what he continues to teach me through this time. He has surprised us in many ways, but God never withheld his great grace in the midst of every circumstance. 

Healthy Habits Part 2, Food Rules - And Food That Rules [You]

Happy Tuesday! I mentioned back on Friday, that I want to do a series called Healthy Habits that will address the issue of a "healthy eating obsession" or better known as orthorexia.  There it is - the magical medical term - coined by a man named Steven Bratman, MD in 1996 (http://www.orthorexia.com/?page_id=2). He defines it as "a description for a type of obsession with healthy food that is psychologically or even physically unhealthy." (Steven Bratman, Orthorexia Home Page, 2012). Now, many of us have heard of anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating -- but did you know that there is such a thing as an "unhealthy obsession with healthy eating?" It seems almost logically impossible. But in a culture such as ours, in which the marketing of private gyms, natural food stores, fad diets, and the ideal weight is constantly filling our heads, it is no wonder that there are those who obsess over being healthy.

Recently, I read an article on CNN.com regarding this very subject. The most common 'victims' of this non-medically recognized problem are, ironically, students of nutrition and health. Many times an interest in healthy eating can turn ugly when people begin cutting out food groups or restrict themselves from having certain "types" of food, such as processed meat or refined sugar. The problem can begin with a very positive change to one's eating habits. But, when one's eating becomes restrictive to the point of obsession, there is an obvious distinction between healthy eating and un-healthy 'healthy' eating. The article mentioned above, tells the testimonial of a girl whose orthorexia began as a result of health problems. Her doctor recommended that she cut out wheat, yeast, sugar and dairy to try and diagnosis her chronic stomach problems. When her stomach problems did not subside, she went to the extreme by cutting out all types and kinds of foods. She is quoted as saying, "I basically cut out everything from my diet. I convinced my mind that food made me sick."

Now that I have defined the problem in extreme cases, I would like to address what some of those 'symptoms' might look like in everyday life. A typical orthorexic often describes the difference [between their issue and that of an anorexic], as a lifestyle and rather than a concern about what one looks like. Unfortunately, these two things often go hand in hand. But for an orthorexic, it can be much easier to hide one's obsession because healthy eating is seen as worthy of praise, and commendable by the general public. I often hear people say to me, "Wow, how can you eat so healthy?" as if I have the super-power of eating healthy food. When one's eating habits are positively reinforced and applauded, those habits will be sustained and not deterred. We need to be careful that we are not encouraging an obsession that could be an unrecognized problem for a woman. As for the everyday symptoms, the term "food rules" applies.

"Food rules" are arbitrary rules that a person uses to enforce upon themselves a standard for their own diet. It is a way to keep yourself accountable regarding what you consume. For instance, a person may prohibit themselves from eating until 6:00pm or until they've run for 45 minutes. Their reward will be their meal. Again, this is not necessarily a bad thing, however these food rules can impose on the normality of one's life if the rules become what control you. I'll give an example of a positively used 'food rule' and then a negative one:

• [+] I know that I struggle with eating too much dessert. I tend to think often about what dessert I am going to eat that night, and daydream about how it will taste. I know that this is not a godly pattern of thinking, so as a rule for myself I decide to not eat desserts in the house. I am imposing on myself a rule so that I will not be encouraged to sin.
• [-] I know that eating too many desserts is not good for my overall health. Many treats contain loads of sugar and fat. Because I don't want to consume refined sugar that might have a negative effect on my body, I stay away from all desserts with refined sugar. Additionally, only organic or natural sugar is okay to eat because it doesn't contain all the chemicals that refined sugar does. I am only going to eat organic sugar. That means no birthday cake, no Starbucks if they don't have organic sugar, even if I have to party or coffee date. I don't care how much it costs, I am going to sacrifice for the sake of my health! And I am going to tell everyone around me that they too need to cut out refined sugars from their diet, even if other people disagree with me.

Do you see the difference between a positively-used rule and a negatively-used rule? We can put up standards for ourselves to deter us from sin, which is good! But we can also put up legalistic, arbitrary standards for ourselves that do nothing but harm to our thinking. Additionally, when we try to impose these standards on others, we can come off as legalistic, dogmatic, snobbish, and self-righteous. A person with orthorexic tendencies should be very caution when they see themselves limiting the types of foods they consume; one's motive should always be checked!

I hope that I've been able to give you a little hint into the mind and heart of the un-healthy healthy eater. This is a mind and heart battle for a great number of people, myself included, and for many who may not even realize it. I still need to daily surrender my eating to the Lord, and ask Him for wisdom to help me discern my motives and expectations that I put on myself. Remember, to not let your own standards and rules dictate how you eat -- let the Word of God be your guide as you put to practice its principles to "glorify God with your body."

[Remember to write me at kathryn.m.sumner@gmail.com or comment below if you have any questions, concerns, comments, or critiques! And thanks for visiting!]

Food on Friday : Healthy Habits, Part 1

A Moment Back in Time

This morning (when I began this post it was morning anyway), I want to discuss an issue that often goes under the guise of "healthy eating", but first let me share with you a story from my own life:

Fall 2008: I had just returned to college from a crazy busy summer of counseling at a Christian camp in northern Michigan (shout out to Lake Ann!). My diet, while at camp, had consisted mostly of Cliff bars and snow peas in the cafeteria with the occasional trip to the organic restaurant in Traverse City for some "real food".  Needless to say, I was looking very thin. Not unhealthily thin, just skinny, but normal for a diet consisting of mostly vegetables [or so I thought]. Here began my semester of the strangest eating habits I've ever experienced. I was a health food nut.. organic this, all-natural that. I racked up my grocery bills at Whole Foods and was mildly obsessed with peanut butter and carrots. My parents became worried that I was focusing so much on "healthy eating" while at the same time taking on an overwhelming amount of extra curriculars. Indeed, it was a recipe for disaster. If I didn't eat a salad for every meal, I would get frustrated. I started "cooking" for myself this semester, which really just consisted of throwing a bunch of vegetables in a bowl and calling it dinner. Ironically, as I became more overwhelmed and busy, I began exercising less and less. I became depressed and soon I was calling home wondering what I was doing 2,000 miles away from home. I felt isolated and like I had failed. I ate desserts and other foods in large amounts (i.e. binged) to try and cope with all of my stress. Most of all, I felt like I had lost control of my "healthy eating" which was terribly frustrating. I cried out to God on multiple occasions to help me to see what my problem was! I knew that how I was behaving wasn't normal, but I also didn't think it was very serious. 

After I went home for Christmas break, I had a breakthrough. I became vulnerable with some close friends who prayed with me regarding this season of depression and loss of control. During that break, I went on a retreat back to the summer camp I worked at and was confronted with the underlying issue: pride. I was too prideful to confess to anyone (let alone myself) that I was overly concerned about the kind of foods that I ate. When I became overwhelmed, the food I ate became an avenue of control and I used it to falsely believe that my life was under control. After that retreat, the Lord taught me that I needed to be honest & vulnerable with those around me, and willing to confess my sin and not let it fester. I went back to Florida with a new outlook and a readiness to fight this battle for real. 


As I began to examine my life, I noticed that this obsession of healthy eating was not just a habit but a lifestyle. Slowly, I added exercise back into my regular routine and was thankful that the Lord was giving me the desire to want to be healthy but not consumed. As God exposed my heart, He revealed to me how my relationship with food was tainted with many false ideas. I also had false ideas about my image, my body, and my relationship to exercise. I was encouraged that the Lord was showing me so many things, but I didn't really know where to go from there practically, besides attempting to "put to death the deeds of the body, so that [I] might live." (Romans 8:13) I saw the need for more specific, focused ways to battle this area of my life -- I wrote note cards with Scripture passages, had an accountability partner, and prayed often for God to help me in this area. All of these things did indeed help tremendously.


But I asked myself, "Do I have an eating disorder?". I puzzled over that question and came to the conclusion... no? So, if I didn't have an eating disorder per say, then why have I met so many other women who have dealt with the same issues? Again, I ask "Is this an ED?". Well, you will be curious to know that I have done some research on this topic of a"healthy eating obsession". I've even made a few enlightening discoveries. I would like to share those and other thoughts in a series on Healthy Habits. 


For now, let's ponder what Paul says in regards to eating meat sacrificed to idols (which may cause his brother in Christ to stumble): ""All things are lawful," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful," but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor... If I partake with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of that for which I give thanks? So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:23-24, 30-31)


Do you adhere to a strict healthy diet? What is your motivation behind your food choices? Have you considered that this may be more than just an eating regime, but a lifestyle for you?


Stay tuned for Healthy Habits Part 2, Food Rules - And Food That Rules [You]